A new beginning

Today is my birthday. 56. Yikes.

I always thought I was lucky to have a birthday at the end of January because it is a second chance to renew and refresh and set some goals for the year. So once again, this year, I will reset.

I need to eat better and move more (which is more about health and less about weight). I want to get off social media and get on the phone with people. I want to continue downsizing my closets. I want to spend more time praying and no time worrying. All admirable, yet there is still a pull toward something much larger. I have a job I love and kids who challenge and thrill me. I have a partner who loves me for exactly who I am. I have family and a tribe of friends who would have my back in a second if I called. My life is full.

So I blame my dear friend Shannon who challenged me to get back to this blog. Our conversation was around parenting and faith and race. Particularly around race. I struggle with what my voice should be around this issue. “I don’t know enough”, “I will say the wrong thing”, “I don’t want to be someone who fights for racial justice but doesn’t really understand what it means for a person of color”. But with all that it no longer feels okay to remain silent- to make excuses for not pushing the conversations. So I will begin this blog again. And I will talk about race and faith and parenting and life. I will make mistakes. I will say things that will offend – not intentionally but because I am still learning to live with my privilege. I am still learning how to raise my boys of color and how that is different from raising Sam. I am still learning to listen to my partner and not feel defensive or guilty when he shares his experiences or those of his kids. I am still learning. And the things I might have said yesterday, or last week or last month or last year echo an evolving story of what my understanding is and what my role is and what my voice is as a white woman.

So bear with me. Come along the journey. Challenge me when you think I am wrong. Share your stories. This won’t be all about race. From my older blogs I started this to talk about raising my boys, but as I grow I learn that nothing lives in silos. All of the pieces of my life weave that proverbial tapestry. So here’s to new beginnings.

56. Yikes.