Miracles. You can say you believe or you don’t believe. You can choose to think that things just happen or some people are lucky and some people get all the good breaks.
I choose to believe in miracles. And let me say, that did not come easy for me. Let me restate that. I choose to believe in miracles for ME. Yep, always believed in them but wasn’t quite sure God meant them for me. Other people, sure. Me, he could, but other people probably needed them more. I could survive on my own strength.
But I can’t deny it. I have seen miracles in my life these past few years. The fact that I was able to buy a house, as a single mom (thanks to my brothers help). A single mom who works non profit, in one of the most expensive counties in the country. The fact that we bought it at the bottom of the market and are now refinancing just two years later to get rid of our huge PMI payment because it has appreciated so much in two years. Not luck, miracles.
I could list a million if I paid attention. But one deserves mention. J has been in our home for almost 8 weeks now. And yes, the first month was HARD. Harder than I thought and harder than I was ready for and harder than I thought I could handle. In the middle of a Thursday I broke down. I needed help. We had 3 “blowouts” in a little over a week and I was treading on eggshells around the house. I was stressed about how all of this change was affecting my older son, I was tired, I was mentally strained. I cried out to God. I stopped everything, held a personal communion service and prayed over my boys. Not that I hadn’t done that before, but this time it was a relinquishing of it all. Total surrender, God you are in charge, You are my healer. Jehovah Rapha.
That afternoon a different child came home from school. Maybe no one else would have noticed, but I did. The tension was gone and every day I SEE a lightness coming from his spirit. If you have had or know about foster children, this is a miracle. That this settling happened so quickly. My social worker said, the anger may come back. She does not know my God! Miracles. You can say you believe or you don’t believe. But I choose to believe. And am overwhelmed with thankfulness.